Jess abstract photo of her dancing on a bench

Age 15

Sometimes it is easy to forget how far you have come. When you know there is endless knowledge before you that you can’t even comprehend. The more you learn, the more you know you need to learn. “Practice makes more practice” as my old drumming teacher used to say.

Most days I find it hard to remember how far I have come. Until I catch myself cast my mind back.

One thing I can remember is the feeling of careless play. Experimenting with film, making up my own stories, my own rules and creating something that was without judgement.

I remember being allowed to play with film, ideas and imagination in my A level art. It feels almost now that I had no concept of failure during this time, I am sure this is not true but it is how I remember it and if failure did come into those years then they were not quite as harsh a feeling as I have now.

But what has changed? Why do I feel a weight? I know when I am making films, imagining them, developing them I feel free. But the concept of having business, boy that’s the weight.

So how can I tame or even learn to like this beast, I know as fear.

Well these are a few things I am trying.

Firstly, I remember past daemons I have tamed. How ferocious they once felt and now they have grown soft and calm.

Secondly I remember my passion. Simple.

Thirdly when I hit a stumbling block I think, aha wonderful, now I can really learn something!

And lastly remember you have to fall to learn how to fly. You have to step forward to walk towards a dream.

But maybe I don’t need to walk, Maybe I need to skip…Picture 9

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